We think everyone can pretty much agree that dating sucks sometimes. When you’re seeking a genuine connection, the last thing you want to do is meet another stranger for the same round of small talk.

It always goes something like this…

“Are you from around here?”

“No, actually! I moved here from my hometown.”

“That’s pretty cool! Me, too…so what do you do?”

“Oh, I have a job.”

“Nice.”

“What do you do?”

“Oh, I have a job, too.”

“That’s cool.”

And after an hour-long dinner you still don’t really know that much about each other. Maybe you go on a second date. Maybe you don’t ever speak again. Then, it’s back to swiping on dating apps and more small talk.

On the occasion that you get past the small talk, it just never works out. You give and give in your relationships, but you almost never get the same energy back. Sometimes, you even try to be what they want, even if it’s not you. You just want to be loved, but it never happens.

This is controversial, and it may make you feel uncomfortable when you hear it, but this is the truth: you are standing in your own way. You are the reason your dating life sucks right now, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Do you want to know the secret to a dating life that doesn’t suck?

Put yourself first.

When you don’t put yourself first in your relationships, you wind up looking for happiness in other people when you don’t even know how to make yourself happy. You spend your time trying to meet other people’s needs and not paying attention to your own.

So how do you fix it?

The first step is to make the decision to prioritize yourself. You have to let go of other people’s expectations of you and accept that you can’t give what you don’t have. A healthy relationship requires two adults who are whole on their own coming together to support each other and grow side by side.

Only then, can you move forward and work on being present with potential partners who are actually worth your time.

Once you’ve developed kick-ass confidence in yourself, you’ll know who to keep around and when to let go of things that don’t feel right.

So let’s chat as if you’re the already confident main character…how do you talk to people on dates? How do you get past the small talk and push toward actually getting to know them?

Practice questions to ask beforehand that dive deeper than, “Are you from around here?” Ask questions that really communicate their values, so that you can see whether they align with yours.

Try these:

• What’s something you want to learn or wish you were better at?
• What’s the most embarrassing thing you can remember that’s happened to you?
• What’s your favorite place on earth?
• What’s something you’re proud of?
• What are you passionate about?
• What’s something you have always wanted to do but were afraid of?

When you truly know your partner, your foundation is stronger, and you can better understand how to come together in a way that works.

When you know who you are outside of them, you’ll know yourself enough to know what values align with or are compatible with your own, and confidently step into a dating life that is more fulfilling.

Ultimately, this requires you to leave your comfort zone for the sake of a dating life that no longer sucks. It’s time to release other people’s expectations of you and prioritize yourself in your relationships. Are you up for the challenge?

With Love,

Dani & Keely

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