Most, if not all, human beings have the ability to understand when a relationship isn’t fully aligned, even before it reaches a breaking point.
Call it intuition, a gut feeling, or whatever other ways you could explain it, but there’s always a feeling before a relationship crumbles, even if you try to ignore it.
In the beginning stages of a relationship, there are obvious things that make you see the disconnection between you and a potential partner. For example, someone who is looking for a partner who shares their love of hiking and traveling won’t continue dating someone who spends every weekend on the couch at home.
But, sometimes, you meet someone who is perfect — except for that one thing. The health of your future relationship depends on the importance of that “thing.”
If the “thing” is that they hate your favorite candy, you can probably get past that.
If the “thing” is a fundamental difference in priorities, communication styles, lifestyles, or other huge aspects of your everyday life, it may be best to call it quits.
You may be sitting here asking, “But Dani & Keely, what about all of the other perfect parts of them? Can’t I just look past that one thing? Couldn’t I fix it? Opposites attract, right?”
The short answer is, if you focus all of your energy on “fixing” the other person and never put your needs first, your relationship is never going to last.
The first thing that you need to understand is that every person wants and deserves to be fully seen and loved exactly as they are. I’m sure you feel that way, friend, but when you focus your energy on trying to “fix” your partner, you aren’t giving them what they deserve.
You can’t force a relationship that isn’t meant to be, and, when you try to, it only ends in resentment on both sides.
Opposites do not attract when it comes to fundamental values.
If you are always at a disagreement when it comes to how to live your life together, you won’t be able to build the happy, stable relationship that you both want and deserve.
You will resent them for not changing, even though you knew exactly who they were when you started seeing each other. You’ll resent them for not giving you what you need, when you knew they couldn’t from the start. They will grow to resent you for not loving them as they are, even if you genuinely just want to help them be the best version of themselves.
With resentment comes distrust. If you can’t trust someone to understand your point of view, you won’t trust them with your thoughts or feelings. That distrust will drive a wedge between you and your partner, only amplifying the problem and ultimately ending the relationship.
The only way to ensure that your relationships are happy, healthy, and aligned is by putting your needs first.
All of the resentment, distrust, and hurt can be avoided when you admit to yourself that these fundamental differences are deal breakers, and move on. It may hurt, and it may not always be easy, but it’s better to end a relationship that is obviously not aligned early on rather than drawing it out and trying to “fix” them.
You have to trust your intuition to understand the signs of a relationship that won’t work, but it can be really difficult to trust your gut feelings and prioritize yourself when you’ve never done it before. We teach our clients how to recognize the red flags in relationships and prioritize their own needs with our signature PRIDE Method™ Framework.
Dani & Keely
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