How often do you talk yourself out of what you actually want because of self doubt?
We’ve all been there. At some point in your life, you’ve questioned whether or not you’re good enough. You’ve doubted your ability to make decisions or held yourself back from taking a risk because you feared rejection.
When you’re not in control of the outcome, you panic.
A certain level of self-doubt is healthy when it’s realistic. If you are aware that you objectively fall short in a certain area of your life and are actively working toward improving yourself there, that is a healthy way to deal with self doubt. However, if letting self doubt or fear of rejection holds you back from your goals and the life that you dream of, it’s time to reevaluate how you think about yourself.
The most common sources of self doubt are
- Not having moved on from past mistakes
- Being told you were not good enough as a child
- Comparing yourself to others
- Insecurity leaving your comfort zone
- Fear of failure
- Fear of success (yes, this is very real!)
While the experiences behind all of these causes differ, they are all rooted in one thing: how other people perceive you.
When you fear not being able to meet other people’s expectations, you hold yourself back from situations where you may let someone else down. Here’s the problem with that: by never giving yourself the opportunity to succeed, you constantly put yourself in a cycle of rejection and keeping yourself small.
None of the confident people you encounter are 100% confident all of the time, but when you let go of the need to please other people and only focus on what you can do to reach your goals, nothing can hold you back. You can be one of those confident people if you make the decision to start today.
You have to be your own advocate, not the person who puts you down before anyone else has the chance to.
But how do you overcome self doubt? It starts from within.
First, you have to change the way you think about yourself. Reframe your negative thoughts in favor of positive, encouraging ones. We’ve outlined how to do that in our article, Change Your Life From The Inside Out.
Then, you must focus on your goals. What do you want to achieve? Create a realistic, actionable plan to reach these goals. Stop making excuses. Stop rejecting yourself. You deserve the life and relationships of your dreams, and you need to do everything in your power to get there.
Lastly, you have to find professional support. As your queer life coaches (Coming Out Happy), having someone to hold you accountable and bolster you when things don’t go your way is crucial. Letting go of a lifetime of expectations on your own can be overwhelming when you don’t have all of the tools or resources to fix it. We’re here to make you feel safe and help you push yourself out of your comfort zone.
Are you ready to finally release other people’s expectations in favor of the life and relationships of your dreams?
Dani & Keely
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