It’s easy to tell when a relationship isn’t going to work when the chemistry just isn’t there, but sometimes LGBTQ+ adults try to force relationships that aren’t aligned because they refuse to see that this person isn’t interested in them.
One of the hardest things about this kind of scenario is that the other person may be nice enough and you have a good time when you’re together, but they don’t seem to be giving you the energy you want from them. It can be difficult to determine when it’s time to move on and let this person go, so we’ve put together a list of five signs that your feelings are unrequited and it’s time to find someone new.
They’re always “busy.”
You may find that this person is present when they are with you in person, but it’s a chore to get them to text/call you back or make plans to see each other. They always have an excuse as to why they are too busy to make time for you or contact you, and you are always the person putting in the effort to initiate time together.
If someone isn’t willing to put energy into connecting with you, it’s a telltale sign that you are not as high on their list of priorities as they may be on yours.
You deserve someone who not only is willing to put in the effort to see you and spend time with you, but who wants to do it and goes out of their way to make plans with you on their own.
They’re not reliable.
You have to trust the person you’re in a relationship with. Through good times and bad times, your partner is supposed to stick by you and support you the same way that you would do for them.
If they repeatedly cancel, show up late, or change plans at the last minute, that is a big sign that they will not show up for you when you need them. If this is how they are with minor commitments, genuinely consider if you could count on them for anything important.
Ask yourself, “Could I count on this person to show up for me if I really needed them?”
If the answer is, “No,” do you really think you can build a strong relationship with this person?
They haven’t done any nice things for you.
In romantic relationships, it really does come down to the little things. Whether it’s opening the door for you, getting you flowers, or even just offering to pay for your coffee on the first date, being nice is how people show that they like you!
Small gestures of affection mean the world when a couple is just starting out, and someone who is really interested in you will want to do nice things for you. If the person you’re seeing doesn’t do anything nice for you, it’s a major red flag.
You don’t know anything about them, and you haven’t met any of their friends.
This one is definitely contingent upon how long you have been seeing each other, since you can’t know anything about someone you just met. However, how much someone is willing to reveal to you about themselves and how willing someone is to introduce you to the people who are important to them speaks volumes in regards to how they feel.
If they were truly interested in you, they would want to share things about themselves and find out more about you, too. Sharing experiences is the only way to truly get to know someone, and when you don’t know anything about them, it’s not a good foundation for any kind of serious relationship.
Building a relationship with someone requires integrating them into your current life. Keeping your time together separate from their established relationships only shows that they aren’t interested in including you in their future. If they felt the way you do, they would be excited to introduce you to their friends and family.
They have told you that they aren’t looking for a relationship.
It can’t get more clear than that. If the person you’re seeing tells you upfront that they aren’t interested in a relationship right now, and you are, then it’s time to look elsewhere. You shouldn’t have to wait for someone to be ready for you when there is someone out there who already is.
Take their word for it and accept that this person isn’t for you.
It can be so hard to let go of a potential partner when you just want to be loved as you are, even if you know it may not be aligned. Knowing the signs of someone who isn’t feeling the same way is the first step to prioritizing your needs in relationships in the pursuit of a partnership that is everything you want and need.
Navigating confidence in yourself & creating healthy queer relationships is a journey no matter if you’re just coming out or have been out for years. If you're ready for more support from your LGBTQ+ relationship experts, click here.
Dani & Keely
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